i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
