Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
