Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize