I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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