No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
