Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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