I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
