I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
