as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
did i walk over a car last night?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He shit in the fireplace
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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