Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
