somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
