No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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