I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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