dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
