My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
