That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
