You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
