I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
