i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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