It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
