They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You can't just leave with hair like that
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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