I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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