I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
