Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
