Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
