My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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