I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
