That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
