can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
