Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
