we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
