Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
