On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
