it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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