I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
