If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
