she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
