He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
