no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
