so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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