I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
