There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Randomize
