he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I have already put on my inside pants.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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