So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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