I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
