Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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