i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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