Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I think my fart just growled at me.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
