At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
This is my gift to your gina
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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