Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize