Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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