Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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