I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
