Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
