He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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