i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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