Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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