Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
