Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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