I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
