roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
