Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
