oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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