I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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