i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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