Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
