I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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