Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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