What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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