Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
